Mom, I think I’m pregnant!
Those were the words my fourteen years old daughter said to me. I froze up and stared intensely at her. It was a feeling I could not comprehend. I felt I was going to collapse right there.
â€œMumâ€¦.â€ The sound of her voice jolted me out of my thought. I walked quickly out of the room, and came back immediately. I was disorientated.
â€œHow can it be?â€ I was blabbing over, and over again. â€œShe canâ€™t be.â€ I repeatedly said, ignoring the trembling girl before me. â€œSheâ€™s only fourteen, and sheâ€™s my daughter.â€ I whispered to myself. I was talking more to myself, asking questions that I couldn’t answer. This was something that shouldn’t happen to someone like me, someone like my daughter. She was a good girl, all A’s in her studies. She was a very good girl, and I just couldn’t understand what she was saying to me.
Then I flashed an angry look at my daughter, and saw her flooded in tears; not that, I was bothered by the tears, but terrified at what my daughter had become.
â€œHow could you?â€ I shouted furiously at her. She jolted at the sound of my voice. I went to her, took her by the shoulders andÂ vigorouslyÂ shook her.
“How could you?” I shouted at her, ignoring the screaming, and fear in her eyes.
“Mummy, please….” she cried out in pain, but I ignored her. She wasn’t innocent as far as I’m concerned, and no amount of tears would get her out of this.
My eyes caught theÂ pregnancyÂ stick on her bed; seeing that made be more furious. “What on earth was she doing with that in the first place, sheâ€™s is only fourteen?”
â€œMummyâ€¦.â€ She pleaded again but I ignored her.
The voice of my husband, her father startled me.
What happened next is something I never want to re-visit again. We were so shocked, and mystified when Tess told us she was pregnant. I mean, sheâ€™s only fourteen, and couldnâ€™t even imagine her kissing anyone, let alone having sex. We later discovered sheâ€™s been sexually active a year ago, and had been on contraceptive pills without my knowledge.
I was so ashamed, and angry at myself for not noticing this in my daughter; I felt I had failed as a mother. Why didnâ€™t I notice? I just assumed my daughter knew what not to do especially when it comes to boys. I expected her to know the truth. That period was the most terrifying of our lives; our only daughter got pregnant at the age of fourteen. I was devastated. Days after this, we had to decide what to do; in fact, I had suggested abortion to my husband. Yes I did. ‘How can a mother could think of that?‘ I honestly donâ€™t know, and could never have imagined such thought in my life but I did. I just wanted things as they were before, you know, not pregnant. I mean, where does a mother go in this situation, what am I expected to do?
My husband became both our pillar; he was strong for us as a family. Yes, he was heartbroken but he became strong for us. He was totally against abortion but we all needed a way out. The first thing he did was to move us all away from our house; he got a transfer to another city to start afresh. The shame would have been unbearable for us all but the shame moved with us. Our daughter brought shame to us. The first few months, I was so angry at myself and my daughter. I made her feel the worst; I wanted her to feel the pain she caused us, I reminded her daily of how she disappointed us, and how she threw her life away. She had confessed she wanted to tell me the first time she had sex, but had been so scared of what I would think of her.
She knew it was wrong but felt good about the whole experience. She said she wanted to feel like a grown woman, and repeatedly explored that until she found herself pregnant. She confessed the young boy responsible for the pregnancy was the same age of her, but my husband thought it wasnâ€™t wise to confront him now. He just wanted us out first.
After five months gone, I was still broken but this time, I had to be broken in the right places. I went to my God; I cried and placed everything before him. I asked him if I were a bad mother, and if I had failed in my responsibility of bringing up my daughter in the right way. I needed answers; I needed to hear something in the midst of my tears, but I heard nothing. I mean, there was total silence in His presence.
The following day, I continued and cried before him, I cried, and asked Him to forgive me, most especially to forgive my daughter who had sinned against Him. I asked that he wash her sins away and clothe her once again in righteousness and yet again, there was silence. The next day, I was getting so frustrated but still went into His presence and cried more at my failure as a mother. I confessed I was ashamed of my daughter and even felt so ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I asked Him to forgive me and create a clean heart within me, a heart to love my daughter as I ought to have. I was broken in tears and just needed to hear a word from Him but nothing. He said nothing to me.
Now, the following day, I just stood right there in His presence without uttering any word. I let go my thoughts, worries and everything. I just stood right there in His presence for once without thinking or saying anything. Few minutes into this, I heard his voice saying, â€˜Be still, and know that I am Godâ€™. That was it, nothing more. At first, I wanted to argue within me; what has that word got to do with all that I have said to him these past few days? I wanted more than that, but nothing, so I decided against arguing in my spirit and just stayed there. I was still before him; I surrendered to Him. I put everything on hold; my fears, worries, shame, disgrace, guilt, disappointment, everything became quiet before him.Â I mean, I was tired of holding onto the hurt and pain, I just had to let go. In that time, I felt his peace overwhelm me; I felt his power within me, I felt his presence and brokenness of spirit. I felt slain in his presence. I felt my spirit crying out to take away the pain, to take away the anger, the weakness, hate and the fear. I was crying out for restoration. During this time, I knew what he wanted of me, just one thing- to be her mother. A mother who would be there for her daughter no matter the hurt and pain, a mother who would love unconditionally. Just as he loves me despite my weakness and disappointment, just as he would carry me when I feel so weak and exhausted, just as he would love me- he wants me to love my daughter despite all.
I wept in His presence but my heart was at peace. After that encounter, for the first time in months, I spoke to my daughter as a mother should. I listened to her fears. She was scared and so disappointed at what she did. She wept bitterly, and asked me to forgive her. Then, I made up my mind to hold my daughter, to help her through this and back to the Lord. I spoke blessing into her life and reminded her how great and wonderful she is as a daughter. Yes, she made a mistake but I would never judge her by that. I will not look down at her or remind her of her past. She had a great future ahead of her and that she would accomplish by the help of God; nothing will stop the plan of God in her life. She is my daughter after all. The following months were not easy but I stayed with my baby. All through the delivery which was the most excruciating, and painful experience a mother could ever witness, I mean my baby bringing out another baby; crying in pain and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Well, she gave birth to a beautiful girl and I became a grand mother.
Ten years down the line, I am a proud mother of a daughter who achieved all her dreams despite all odds. She went back to school and also to college; gained a master degree in Business management, and going on to high places. I am a good mother and nothing can change that. I have learnt from this experience and I have been teaching mothers to have a good relationship with their daughters. Our teenage daughters need their mothers.
They need us to nurture them; a continuous nurturing and love them. Don’t just assume they know things or all is well; talk to them about their day, their friends. Donâ€™t be afraid to talk about the â€˜sex talksâ€™ with them. Be open minded about it. Let them get more information from you rather than the cosmopolitan or so called magazines or internet. Explain to them the feelings, the love and all other things they may be experiencing. Teach them through the word of God, tell them the mistakes you made yourself whilst growing up if possible.
Teach them the way into the presence of God. Now, if by any chance you have been disappointed; donâ€™t hold on to that pain. Give it to God, let him heal your heart and make you whole. That hatred does not belong there. You need to let go and be a mother to your daughters and Sons. If by any chance they have left home into the world and doing despicable things, pray them back into the presence of God; don’t give up on that child, most importantly, forgive them for the pain and hurt they caused you, for the things they had done. Love them and let God help you through. There is nothing impossible for God to do. No Child is lost if you give them back to the Lord. Let him heal your heart and heal your children.
God bless you.
Â© Circlesoflove 2013
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