The ‘M’ Word – Marriage, His way.
I would like to write on a topic I have been pondering on for several days now. The sound of wedding bells is a great delight to hear. Everyone is excited about the whole celebration; the dresses, the glamour, beauty and everything that comes with it. Now, after the whole celebration, there comes the real thing ‘MARRIAGE!’. Before I go there, I will like to talk about something very crucial. It’s about Building a House. Is there an eyebrow raised? Please, give me a few minutes to break this down. Now, let’s take a look at this scenario: when someone is building a house, he buys a piece of land and a drawing of how he intends building the house. He then sets out the foundation which involves digging out, filling in, cutting away, clearing, the structure and much more. This process is usually lots of man labour and tedious. There’s always sweat and exhaustion from this process but the labourer wouldn’t give up. He knows this stage is important in the building process, and unless this is done, nothing can be put in place. He cannot go through any short-cuts or ignore this due process.
Marriage is in fact like building a home/house. The earlier stage of a marriage is about two different people from different background and upbringing getting to know one another. Folks, marriage is not a battleground as some have made it so; it’s not a place where you want to know who’s going to win an argument or who is right. Marriage should be a place where two hearts unite together, working towards the same goal that will bring joy, peace, love, unity and success in their lives. There has been a lot of misconception in these areas for some couples; just like when you are building a physical house, you want to dig into the ground to get a good foundation for the house. You need a strong structure to build the house on, concrete so the house can stand firm.
So it is for a marriage, you want to dig deeper into the word of God ‘the One who created marriage’, to build a strong healthy relationship with your spouse. You want a good structure for your marriage, a concrete ground that will hold you both strong and firm.
You need to get rooted in the word of God to be successful in your marriage. Just like in a house, there are somethings you need to uproot from your marriage. Just like filling in the foundation of a house with sand, cement and all, you need to fill your marriage with love, compassion, understanding, good communication, respect, forgiveness, and much more. Just like you take some dirt out of the foundation of a house, you need to get rid of any malice, jealousy, hatred, disrespect, disloyalty and much more out of your marriage.
Just like a labourer wouldn’t give up when starting a foundation of a house despite the stress, hard work, sweat, and exhaustion; so also you shouldn’t give up when building your own foundation. You will eat the fruit and joy of the marriage when you stay close to God. He will empower you and guide you through this glorious path. He will cover you with his love, and keep it safe from every weed and unwanted occurrences that would want to destroy your home.
Wives “Submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Ephesians 5: 22.
A number of women have issues with the role of submission in their marriages; some have said, ‘submission in their homes is basically been taken for granted’. Submission implies obedience and surrender to God’s will in the marriage. ‘This text should not be construed as a license for husbands to trample upon the wishes of their wives. A lot of men treat their wives as if they are a doormat. They walk all over them as if they have no sense, as if they have no ability as if they are inferiors. That is not what the word means at all’ – Pastor Jimi Adeleye.
Pastor Steven J. Cole argues that God is not a cosmic male chauvinist, who is punishing women and rewarding men by commanding these respective roles in marriage! Rather, they reflect God’s wisdom and loving care for us as we obey. Also in this regard, all Christians are under authority. Husbands are not an authority unto themselves. They must submit to Christ and to the elders in a local church. To live in rebellion to authority is to live in defiance of God Himself, who ordains all authority. Excerpt from ‘What! Me, Submit to Him’ © Steven J. Cole, 2008.
Also, for husbands “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” Ephesians 5: 25-28.
Husbands- Loving your wife does not make you weak or less of a man. He doesn’t make you inferior or being taken for granted. God desires unity and oneness in marriage; He desires you to love the wife of your youth, nurture, and care for her. Being the head of the house doesn’t imply that you cannot help in the little things around the house. Speak life into your wife, speak love; encourage her to fulfil her dreams, pray for her to be the women God created her to be.
A marriage, as indeed all human relationships often go through strains. Whenever there is tension in a marriage it is important to recognise it, and deal with it before it becomes a friction. A relatively minor disagreement not resolved can very easily degenerate into a major conflict. Effective communication is central to resolving issues.
I leave you with this folks. Pastor Jimi says, ‘Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your life….Ecclesiastes 9: 9 (RSV). Deal with facts (not fiction) in the area of your finances; With regard to finances, remember that happiness is about comfort and contentment, not insatiable materialism which could lead to crushing indebtedness and pain. From personal experience, some what I call low-cost marriage maintenance go a long way in marital bonding, such as courtesy, small acts of kindness, considerate acts and motivating words; truly and seeking the wellbeing of your spouse, will enrich the marriage immensely. Also in personal appearances, likes, dislikes, sexual intimacy and physical satisfaction etc. Try your best to maintain the sexual chemistry in your marriage; look your best, but accept unchangeable features “both yours and your spouses. Ageing, stretch marks, baldness, grey hairs are some inevitable changes. Couples can grow old together and accept inevitable life changes with dignity and grace. As someone said true love is that which changes not when changes find.
Today, I humbly ask you to choose God’s own way of a healthy marriage. Stay committed to him, and he will guide and teach you. He will show you the way to love as you ought to.
Have a blessed day.